“She called in at work and told them she was sick, that she had the flu, that she didn’t think she’d be able to come in for the rest of the week. She hung up the phone and went into the bathroom and started the tub. She shut all the curtains and found her tape player and listened to Brenda Lee while she sat in darkness in the warm water.
Hours passed and she stayed like that. She let the cold water drain and added the hot. She didn’t wash herself or do anything, she just lay there and played the tape over and over. When she finally got out she put on a T-shirt and sweat pants and went to the kitchen, took a steak knife, and sat on the floor and tried to cut her wrists.
She took the knife and pressed it into her skin, but she couldn’t do it. She sat for hours that way hoping for courage. She wasn’t having a panic attack. It wasn’t like that. Her heartbeat was slow and steady. She was calm. As she sat with the knife she saw nothing but the facts. Her past and the things she had done.