The Autograph Man (2003)
“He had 184 points. He needed only one more answer to get on the champion scoreboard and guarantee a place in the quarter-finals. Keeping his eyes on the screen, convalescent Alex tried to dip and eat a nacho without using his hands. He secured himself by hooking his feet round the far curl of the sofa. He began leaning towards the floor.The quizmaster said: “Which philosopher was delighted when he heard that his student had given up philosophy to work in a canning factory?”Alex said the answer eight times very quickly, and then said it once in slow motion and then sang it. The maths teacher gave an answer that revealed alarming beliefs regarding food production in fifth-century Greece. Alex dipped his sore nose in salsa and let it stay there for a while. The sorrow was upon him. The doorbell rang.“DOOR!” screamed Boot from the kitchen. “DOOR. DOOR. DOOR!”This is a door. Here is some salsa. That was my maths teacher. This is a door.“CAN I HELP YOU?”“Other way round,”
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